Julius Caesar had a lot of trouble with his weight and every year he made resolutions to eat better, which is apparently why we have “Caesar Salad.” But even after adding grilled chicken, his resolutions were too hard to keep.

30% of resolutions are dropped after 2 weeks, and 80% after two months, and mostly because, like yours and Caesar’s, they aren’t specific enough. So I’d be surprised if you’re still going strong with that bit of vagueness.

If you really want to keep any resolutions, then follow the ones made by the Babylonians 4000 years ago, or even ones from other ancient Romans. The Babylonians mostly resolved to return things that they borrowed in the year, and the Romans often resolved to seek forgiveness for things they had done.

So, give up on the vague healthy stuff. Just return your friend’s book, and ask your ex to to get over what you called her in your last blog post, and you should be all set until next year.  

Happy new year!

—Shallow Sage

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