As you are no doubt aware, there are two historically divergent paths to follow in this situation.

You may follow what we loosely term a Confucian path to harmony, where the son shall obey parents, and the wife her husband. Or you may tread the Hebrew path, in which a man is instructed to leave his mother, and cleave to his wife.

To find your own way, if you are not already predisposed to one system of beliefs over the other, we advise you to ask your wife which one looks best on you.

—Shallow Sage

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Clearly, your boyfriend must be a prince, and your parents will improve their social and business prospects by way of your arrangement. If that were not the case, we would expect a similar fate for you to that of Letta, daughter of Federigo di Pierozzo Sassetti, when she died in 1383. She was buried by the friars at the Borgo Ognissanti, damned and disowned by her family, who contemplated a vendetta to “bring some balm to our feelings.”

Fig. 1: Sigismondo Malatesta

Since we have established that the gentleman is royalty, the most important precedent in your case is that of Prince Sigismondo (fig. 1), writer of passionate poetry to his second mistress, the teenage Isotta degli Atti. In most cases, a concubina was given some stipend and sent away, but this romantic story had a happy ending for Isotta. Twenty-five years later, he appointed her son his successor (instead of his eldest) and they were married. He even put an “S loves I” logo throughout the Cathedral of Rimini (fig. 2).

Fig. 2: Rimini Cathedral of San Francesco

Therefore, our advice is long-term: First, be about twenty. Second, introduce him to no one and associate only with whom he suggests. Third, have a son together who has an aptitude for finance or politics. Continue to serve this role faithfully for 20-30 years, and (fingers crossed!!) he may decree an official status for his son, and then for you.  

—Shallow Sage

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