It was best that he hadn’t seen the portrait earlier, before half had been painted over.
(François-Léon Benouville, 1840s)
She had never realized until now what great water she was missing.
(Poussin, 1637-39)
Q:I have quite a problem with internet forums: it's very hard to find anyone intelligent enough to agree with me. What do you suggest?
In Ancient Rome, the citizens allowed to participate in the debates of the Forum were limited. Women, for example, were not allowed, nor were Romans of lower classes. The most objectionable presence in the Forum would have been those unfortunate souls forced to shelter beneath bridges, known as trolls.
Forum of Ancient Rome
In our internet forums today, however, it is difficult to keep out riffraff, as a quick glance at the comments section of ABC News immediately makes clear.
If you cannot build your own private forum, then you must accept the difficult fact that you cannot educate these morons online. As Plato noted, Opinion derives from the shifting world of Sensation, a world you cannot yet convey by internet post. Knowledge itself cannot be recalled without the experience of the body.
—Shallow Sage
Q:My little sister says that the General Lee was really just a Dodge body over a VW bug engine and chassis. What should i do?
Many scholars believe that the Duke boys represent an Appalachian-foothill continuation of cultural ways begun in the 18th century Scottish Highlands, where fast driving and acrobatic stunts made it necessary for John McAdam to invent a new road surface, the water-based forerunner of today’s “tarmac”.
John McAdam
While a “kit car” approach to a flashy vehicle such as the General may not be out of character for this culture, you must inform your sister that this is simply not feasible. Just like the roads in McAdam’s English-Scottish border country, the dirt tracks and hay-bale ramps of Hazzard County require a Dodge 440 Magnum V8.
440 Magnum
—Shallow Sage
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No matter how early, he’d still circle for half an hour, looking for a better spot.
(Cuyp, 1650-55)
The sign’s message was obvious, yet somehow that made it profound.
(Poussin, 1637)
Q:Google Street View doesn't show my house. It always shows the corner a block away from my house, and looking the wrong way. I feel slighted that they can't get my address right. Do you think I should write them a note? I don't want to sound offensive, but I resent the world's failure to acknowledge my presence.
Consider the example of the mass-produced 15th century manuscripts of Bruges and Ghent, which in many ways were horticulturally precise predecessors of the Krakow botanical paintings. It appears that this high quality and widely-disseminated artistic production did not lead to immediate individual fame for these artists, yet scholars today are working to determine their identities.
We therefore suggest a basic strategy. A strong focus on the production of accurate and beautiful supporting documentation for the evidently more successful residents of your street will likely compel future researchers (up to and including the Google van) to investigate your identity, possibly within only a few centuries.
The key for success in your case will, of course, be a very large body of extremely high quality and innovative work.
—Shallow Sage
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Q:There's a new restaurant down the street, and people coming for breakfast often park in front of my house. This annoys me. What can I do?
Within two years after John Brayne erected Europe’s first permanent theater since antiquity, the Red Lion, in 1567, the authorities were not amused by the “great multitudes of people” gathering in those same suburbs for “scandalous” performances.
16th-c London, just like your street today.
This cultural boom occurred in part due to the available land created by the dissolution of the monasteries by the crown, and authorities were rarely successful in shutting down performances. Thus, we strongly recommend that you gather your neighbors to purchase this land, and re-use it for monastic and other such purposes.
—Shallow Sage
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How she longed for a cul-de-sac.
(Fabritius, 1660)
And as told again, much later, to the Times.
(Gheeraerts, 1631)






